I was recently looking through all my old documents on my computer and came across the following letter. I wrote this 2.5 years ago, right after my freshman year of college.
To any parents who are still in the thick of raising their kids:
Dear Mom and Dad,
I just finished
my freshman year of college at Houghton College, a small liberal arts college
in western New York state. This school year was amazing—new friends,
encouragement and challenges from fellow Christians, committed professors, so
much to learn, see, and do. I can honestly say that I have thrived at college.
Throughout the year, though, I have contemplated the reasons why I was well
prepared to enter this new environment and do well in Houghton’s rigorous
academic setting. I want to share some discoveries I have made with you in
order to encourage you in your parenting journey.
I know there are
lots of other parents who have reminded you how childhood goes by so quickly
and encouraged you as you work hard to raise your children well. You probably
also have memories of your own childhood—the good times and the bad—and have
thought about how that foundation molded you into the person you are today. We
each have experiences from the past from which we want to protect our loved
ones. Right now I want to encourage you in the work you have already done. Keep
going! You can do it! With Christ all things are possible.
Before school
started last fall, I went with fifty other Houghton freshmen on a two week
wilderness adventure trip in the Adirondacks. One of our activities was a two
night solo in the woods. I loved this time to contemplate and journal. Since I
only had a notebook, a Bible, and a pen to keep me company, I decided to write
letters to my parents and my sisters. As I was writing to my mom and dad, I
started to cry—partly out of joy and partly because of sadness. I thanked them
for the time and effort they spent raising me and teaching me the right way to
go. I know my parents aren’t perfect and that’s OK with me, but I also think they
did so many things right in partnering with God to help me navigate the first
20 years of my life. I am so thankful God decided to place me in the family of
Gerry and Lorraine Stobbe. I cried, though, because for me this act of going
off to college meant the end of my childhood. I would always be their daughter,
but never again would I be a child. I have watched so many of my friends grow
up and leave home to start their new life as adults, but now it was happening
to me and I couldn’t believe it. Part of me didn’t want to believe it. I just
wanted to be the little girl sitting on a chair in the upstairs hallway while
Daddy blow dried my hair at the Little Girl Beauty Parlor. I didn’t want to
acknowledge the end of those days when Mommy, Lillian, Charlotte, and I sat on
the couch to read picture books.
Sure, I’ve been
alive 19 years, but it really doesn’t feel like that. The other day I was
babysitting two young children for a few hours. I encouraged the four-year-old
while he climbed the hill to the park, I followed the 18-month-old while she
toddled around the front yard, and I watched and smiled while the boy pushed
his sister around in her walker as she laughed joyfully. I thought about the
box of family photos my grandmother had just taken out of her closet. Most of
them were of me, the oldest child, and then came Bethany and Lillian photos,
and then Charlotte appeared. One of my favorites is a before-Charlotte photo:
in our living room Lillian and I have set up a car by lining up chairs. I am
driving with Dolly-with-a-Body beside me, a blue bear and cabbage patch doll
ride in the middle row, and Lillian sits proudly in a rocking chair in the
third row. Big sister takes the lead!
So, from a
19-year-old working on both treasuring and letting go of her childhood: please
treasure these days! You will be tired…you probably are right now. Your
children will frustrate you to no end…I did my share. You will be clueless and
confused…for some reason we often enjoy pushing our parents to that state. Your
children want and need your love, and they will remember it always. May your
children rise up and call you blessed.
Whether you
homeschool (like my parents did) or not, remember that you are your child’s
most important teacher. Mom and Dad, we want to be just like you! We’re
watching you to see how you react under stress, how you help those in need, how
you care for each other. Your interests will often become our interests. This
past semester while I was in Europe I had the chance to see numerous Impressionist
paintings in London, Rome, Paris, and Edinburgh, and I loved (almost) every
one. I have to believe that this is because my mother loves the Impressionist
painters and introduced me to them early in life. We studied Degas and his
ballerinas, discussed Renoirs, copied Monets. All those trips to the Boston Museum
of Fine Arts that I complained about when I was younger formed a foundation for
my understanding and appreciation of fine art that helped me to appreciate the
works of art I saw in the National Gallery and Tate Britain in London.
My mother also
loves nature and the outdoors. Throughout my childhood our family vacations
consisted of traveling from one national park to another. Despite my constant
complaints about the heat, she continued to take me, however unwillingly, to
see birds, bison, and beekeepers. Now I work at a summer camp and teach Outdoor
Living Skills.
Just one more
example—my mother loves history, especially hands-on history and museums. As a
homeschool family, we had many opportunities for field trips to avoid learning
from textbooks. Again, family vacation meant museum hopping all around the
United States and Canada. I must confess that although I did appreciate these
museums some of the time, most of the time I just did not understand what a
wonderful education I was receiving. And now, guess what? I just chose to go on
a three week vacation with my roommate, Jenn, that was all about the museums
and historic sites of Rome, Paris, Edinburgh, and eastern Massachusetts…and I
loved it. Going back to Old Sturbridge Village with Jenn reminded me of all the
times the Stobbe School went on a historical trip back to the 1830s. I
remembered my favorite places to go and asked all the right questions so that
Jenn could get the full experience. After I took her to Plimoth Plantation, I
found family photos (again from my grandmother’s box) of the Stobbe School
visiting the Mayflower. My recent visit was different since the captain talked
hypothetically about marrying me to his son, but that same feeling of awe I
must have felt 14 years ago when I traveled back almost 400 years met me this
time as I learned about the Pilgrims and their experiences. You may think all
those art galleries, nature walks, museums, and historical villages are going
right over your children’s heads, but believe me, they are not. Take advantage
of those opportunities to learn and discover together.
Pretend for a
moment that I am your family’s babysitter. Picture me saying goodbye when you
return from an evening out. Don’t worry, I took good care of your kids…I fed
them macaroni and cheese for dinner, we played hide and seek, I read them a few
chapters of Mr. Popper’s Penguins,
and then I put them to bed. Now you are back after a refreshing evening out,
but you know that tomorrow morning (or, oh please no, maybe even sooner) it’s all
going to start over again. Feeding, teaching, disciplining must go on. Playing
games, reading books, driving to activities happens too.
God has given
you these children. Mom and Dad, we need you. We love you so much! We don’t
always understand why you do what you do, but somewhere deep down we know that
you have our best interests in mind. Please take good care of us. We are so
proud of you when you do a good job. J We are praying for you. We notice and think about a
lot more than you might think we do. We aren’t telling you this to scare you
but to help you be aware and challenge you to do your job to the best of your
ability. There are so many people out there who want to help encourage and
support you. Just remember that this time isn’t going to last forever. Someday
your son or daughter is going to be heading off to college or out into the big world. Hopefully they’ll
have the time and thoughtfulness to sit down by the edge of a lake and write,
Dear Mom and
Dad,
Thank you so
much for raising me and helping me to grow into the person I am today…
